A knight in shining Armor

Knight Poster

Okay so I lost the whole post that I had been working on for 3 hrs! So here is the shortened version.

I received a comment about dating. Do I believe dating is okay and for today? Not on your life! I can tell you through experience that dating demeans, it is giving of oneself to many other persons over and over again until there is not much left for the one that at some point  you might marry. This does not mean being intimate with those you date. It could be just sharing your dreams, inner most desires. You still are giving things that only belong to that special someone. Eventually over time when you do meet that special someone. You might not have much left to give or your perseptives of who is best for you or whom God would have you marry is tainted.

Here is some thoughts for you:

Unprotected

” the idea that a girl can get to the age of 18 or 19, and leave her father’s house in order to be out on her own is not Scriptural.”

Douglas Wilson {Now a Federal Visionist!}, Her Hand in Marriage, p.21

“It seems that dating as we have come to know it doesn’t really prepare us for marriage; instead it can be a training ground for divorce. We cannot practice lifelong commitment in a series of short-term relationships.”

Josh Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye,

“It’s helpful to understand that the concept of ‘dating’ is a relatively recent idea. It hasn’t been around forever. As I see it, dating is a product of our entertainment-driven, disposable-everything American culture.” [This quote is part of the chapter ‘Front Porch to Backseat’ – that alone tells us a lot! G.M]

Josh Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye

“More harm comes to many of us through dating than in any other way. According to the world, dating is a way for singles to enjoy the comforts and pleasures of the opposite sex. If marriage is in the picture at all, then dating is a tryout for a potential partner. The idea is to start living as if you were married and see how things go. If one isn’t finding fulfillment in the other person, then you can simply break up and move on. It’s not much different from finding the right pair of shoes. At least you can have some fun along the way, or so it goes. The problem is that the heart doesn’t work that way. The intimacy of romance – both physical and emotional intimacy – is one that binds two people tightly together. If we don’t treat our own and others’ hearts carefully, there will be a lot of pain and bleeding. A broken heart is no small matter, as so many of us know from experience. This is the cause of untold pain in our world today, and Christians need to respond to affairs of the heart with respect, with care, and with the wisdom that God is able to give.”

Richard D. Phillips & Sharon L. Phillips, Holding Hands, Holding Hearts

The modern dating system does not train young people to form a relationship. It trains them to form a series of relationships, and further trains them to harden themselves to the break-up of all but the current one. At the very least, this system is as much a preparation for divorce as it is for marriage… Further, the modern recreational dating system encourages emotional attachments apart from the protections of a covenant fence… Moreover, the modern dating system also leaves the father of the young girl almost entirely out of the picture. The father, who ought to be protecting his daughter’s sexual purity, sends her off into the dark with some highly interested young man, and then does what he thinks is his job, which is to worry… And he should worry, because the modern dating system expects a certain amount of physical involvement… We somehow think a godly Christian is one who can pre-heat the oven without cooking the roast.”

Douglas Wilson, Her Hand in Marriage

Now lets talk about biblical courtship: As you will see even here the standard is lacking. But with some revisions can be a better alternative then dating.

Proponents of the courtship movement say that it is identified by Biblical principles, rather than particular methods or behavioral practices. Proponents assert that contemporary Christian courtship cannot be readily compared to historical norms of courtship practice, such as ancient or modern Hebrew or Victorian courtship practices.

The major principles include:

  • The guardianship responsibility of fathers over single daughters.
  • The responsibility of parents to prepare their children for marriage in all respects, and for youths to be prepared in terms of talents, education, vocation and finances prior to seeking a courtship relationship.
  • The mentoring role of parents or other suitable “accountability couples” in a given courtship.
  • Supervision of courtships to mitigate temptations or abuse, whether of a sexual, emotional or financial nature.
  • Emphasis of the importance of marriage as an opportunity for Christian service rather than a selfish endeavor.
  • Emphasis of the importance of singleness before marriage as a time for greater Christian service in the community, rather than a time to be employed in selfish pursuits.
  • Emphasis of the importance of counsel and evaluation by family and friends as a relationship progresses.
  • Emphasis of the importance of honesty and getting to know one another as real people in “normal life” during courtship (as contrasted with the dating habit of meeting during special events and entertainment while on one’s best behavior.)
  • The maintenance of sexual purity.

While some of the above are of some value more needs to be taken into account. These next sayings below are more from a puritian perspective and is highly recommended as it puts God will before mans. This in the end will make more a better loving and lasting relationship(marriage).

If thou art a man of holiness, thou must look more for a portion of grace in thy wife, than a portion of gold with a wife; thou must look more after righteousness than riches; more after piety than money; more after the inheritance she hath in heaven, than the inheritance she hath on earth; more at her being new born, than at her being high born.”

Thomas Brooks (Puritan), Unknown

“”Let thy choice be in the Lord…1 Cor. Vii. 39. Let piety be the first mover of thine affection, the prime and principle consideration in this greatest affair… Religion or the fear of God, as it is generally the foundation of all human felicity, so must it specially be accounted the ground of all comfort and bliss, which man and wife desire to find in the enjoying of each other.”
Robert Bolton (Puritan), General Directions for a Comfortable Walking with God

 “Christian girls need to be taught how to ‘create distance’ with casual acquaintances…without rudeness. Mild flirtatiousness can be pleasant and appear to be non-threatening in group situations, but it is extremely unwise [and immodest G.M]. In social settings with various acquaintances, a young woman needs to know how to be warm, friendly and distant. This demeanor is something which she should learn from her father and mother.

 

Douglas Wilson, Her Hand in Marriage – Biblical Courtship in the Modern World

“Again, the Holy Ghost gives thee two rules, godliness and fitness: godliness, because our spouse must be like Christ’s spouse, that is, graced with gifts and embroidered with virtues, as if we did marry holiness herself, as God respecteth the heart, so we must respect the heart, because that must love, and not the face. It is not enough to be virtuous, but to be suitable…we see many times even the godly couples to jar when they are married, because there is some unfitness between them which makes odds…”

“A modest countenance, and womanly shamefacedness do commend a chaste wife…modesty should be learned before marriage, which is the dowry that God addeth to her portion.”

“A modest woman is known by her sober attire…look not for better within than thou seest without”

“In choosing a spouse there should not be a romantic passion, but a rational love, in which the affections are commanded by the will under the guidance of the reason. When affections keep their proper sphere, a lover does not display that divine or diabolical madness admired in the cults of romantic love; instead reason should choose the object of love and then command the affections to act accordingly.”

Henry Smith (Puritan), A Preparative to Marriage and Two Other Sermons

“The Puritan ethic of marriage was to look not for a partner whom you do love passionately at this moment, but rather for one whom you can love steadily as your best friend for life, and then proceed with God’s help to do just that.”

J.I. Packer, A Quest for Godliness, p.25

This is my views on the subject of dating and courtship. I hope you  take to heart and learn the value that is in the above words. May God give you wisdom and a standard to be your guide.

Debbie

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About Debylin

The Lord is gracious and is just and I am thankful that He has before the foundations of the World chosen a remnant to call His own.
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One Response to A knight in shining Armor

  1. Danielle says:

    Great post Debbie! I too do not like the idea of dating. Well written and put together. Danielle

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