Daily Journal

The Struggle

Sometimes there is a bit of a struggle that goes on inside me. A struggle that I can’t win. I know it has to do with my age. I know that it can’t be stopped.  A woman at work and I were sharing our thoughts on the topic of menopause. It seems that younger women have no idea  what one goes through and it is difficult to explain. You have to experience it. This co-worker told me about when she used to work at a seniors home and that she had had a  conversation with a women in her eighties. The woman explained that she felt like there was this young women trapped inside a body that no longer looked like her or was able to move like she used to. I am not quite there yet, but feel that I do have an understanding of sorts. I feel very young for my age yet I to look in the mirror and see changes and my body is telling me no matter how I feel mentally that it can no longer do the things that I would like it to.

Life changes  can be a mental struggle if you allow it to be. It can overtake your mind and heart if you give in to it’s call. If your not the Lords then you will look else were for help. Plastic surgery, obsession with working out, affairs or the other extreme, giving up and letting yourself go.

As for myself I choose help from the Lord. He is my strength and comfort. He enables me to see past myself and show me the truth of what is important. He has chosen me, I am His, for His Glory shall I live move and have my being. In reality it does not matter what I am feeling, my emotions are not what matters.I have to walk in light of truth and not allow my flesh to lie to me.  In all honesty I still have days where I allow my flesh to take over and I feel sorry for myself. But as I trust in the Lord and seek His word and ways it seems to be less and less.  As I am going through these changes whats most important is to stay healthy. Eating right  and getting daily exercise. . It actually lessons the effects of change and can make things more manageable. When looking at scripture I find that it talks about a wise woman. A woman who has lived longer and experienced life. This woman is called to teach the younger women. To help them in there journey to woman-hood. Titus:2,3-5. This speaks of the aged women who is no longer in child bearing years. she is to teach the younger. The older women is to have holy behaviour. She is not to waste time in gossiping, or drinking. She is to be useful. All that she has learned is to be passed down to the younger woman.

I am not a grandma , but I am no longer in the child bearing years of my life. God has laid out according to His word what I am to be and be like. It is a daily committment indeed. I work with alot of younger women and try to show myself faithful in how I dress and in the words I speak. I try to be an example to them of what a Godly woman should be. Again sometimes I fail at this miserably. It is the daily walk and the seeking out of Gods grace to help me in this walk. It is Him who I give Glory to for all that He is doing in me. He is changing me from Glory to Glory for His Glory.

This is just a little funny:

The Attack
By Linda Ann Nickerson

My skin is clammy, hot and cold;
My pulse begins to quicken.
Unrest has got a stranglehold;
I’m simply panic-stricken.
With thumping pressure in my chest,
My vision’s turning blurry.
Is it a cardiac arrest,
Or just a case of worry?
A fevered cramp contains my brain,
As chills convulse my form.
I simply cannot bear the pain;
I long to be lukewarm.
Pick up the phone! call 9-1-1!
My body starts to thrash.
The storm subsides, a hit-and-run,
A flying wild hot flash.

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A bit of a Rant

Yesterday was Canada Day and my husband and I worked for a friend. My husband helps out this man, who really helped us during a time when Bill could not work legally here. We are trying to save up as much money right now so we can purchase a couple of acres of land to get us started in getting off grid. So we both work doing whatever comes our way in order to keep the process going. Canada Day we worked doing  mini-golf . It was very busy to say the least! This job mostly caters to the young. I would say between 3 to 16 years old with a few parents thrown in.

I found myself having a very difficult time and wanted to say enough and walk away. The children were downright terrible and in total control of the parents! My husband had to send a few of the older children packing as they were very mean to the younger ones playing. As well he took a putter and ball away from a 3 year old who would not listen to his mother or nanny not really sure. Many times I told the child to wait his turn or stop climbing on thing all the while his care taker was just standing there totally non-responsive. I wanted to  disapline the parent, not the child at this point. A child will only go as far as a parent allows them to. There were many who had fits of temper and those who just told their parents they were going to play and that was that. You can tell the shape of the world by the shape and mentality of the children. There were also 8 children in a span of 7 hrs that went missing because a parent was not paying attention. Most of the children 4 or 5 years old. They all were found . Even while I was watching 2 children wandered away from there parents and the parents didn’t even know until I said something.  This is the age of don’t spank or tell a child what they are doing wrong. We must allow them to experience life for themselves . We must allow them to build their own idenity. We should not hinder them in any way of self expression. Yikes!!!! The scriptures say spare the rod spoil the child for a reason. These were spoiled and not really loved children. I believe close to a 800 children played mini-golf that day. No wonder I was drained and exhausted by the end of the day!

Here is an article written by Michael Bunker. He is a man of God and I value his opinion in the highest. He is a father and husand and has proven to know the word of God and applies it to his life and his family. This was a question asked and he gave his opinion and Godly advice.

                                                                       

Michael,

 

We have trouble holding our child’s attention for very long. I know that you stated that children ought to be well behaved and that in earlier generations children were trained to sit through long (sometimes 3-6 hour!) sermons without wiggling or acting up. I need help.

 

It is interesting that I was talking to my wife Danielle about this today. I am afraid this answer is going to be long and in-depth, since it involves many things I have been needing to say. Now there are numerous problems with the current state of child-rearing and child training that cause behaviors like a short attention span and other such rebellions (yes, this is rebellion). I could write a book on the subject, and it is much too broad to be covered here. But, first we have to acknowledge, like you have, that we need help. That what we have learned from our parents and from our own childhood is not good enough. We have to confess that we don’t know how to raise our children properly, and that we need God’s wisdom to help us. There are too many people, even those among the Agrarian remnant people, who have read a good book or two on the subject (like To Train Up A Child), and then they go on to train their children up like self-centered monkeys. There are reasons that Christians in earlier generations had well-behaved children. I will name a few:

 

1. It was not automatically assumed that children would live very long. Not many children lived to become adults and parents themselves, so there was not the idolatry that exists today towards children today. Children were not held all the time and coddled all day every day. They were not immediately satisfied or satiated when they cried. They were not the center of their parents world. The parents realized that children were a gift, but they just might not make it to adulthood – therefore their souls and their salvation were of a far higher value than their immediate, carnal, happiness. Today, since it is assumed that children will outlive the parents, parents do not put the proper value on their children’s salvation. They hate their children by assuming that they will work out their salvation when they are older.

 

2. So they believe that childhood is a time of “play” and that, when they get older, they can learn the things they need to learn to be pious and right-minded. Play becomes the child’s idol, and the parents release. The parent doesn’t want to train the child, so they tell them to “go play”. Part of the house and yard becomes a playground, and all the child can think of all day long is playing. Their first thought when they wake up, and their last thought when they lay down is playing and “having fun”. This is a real anomaly, because this philosophy did not exist until Western Amerikanism codified it before WWII. Industrialism enslaved the parents to the myth of “time saving” devices, and leisure as a pursuit. The parents then had to both work out of the home in order to pay the bills for the industrial life. The child was sent to public school, or day care, or some other type of care – and they spent a good portion of the day in play. Play became the center of the life of children, from toddler age and up. Even today, when those who claim to be right-minded raise children, they have this remnant in them of how much “fun” they had when they were young, and they cannot get their minds right. So they turn their children loose for most or for a good part of the day, because they don’t want to be mean and strict to their children. They want them to have fun. The child, then, becomes an idolater – and it is all the fault of the parent.

 

3. In older generations, the child was a productive member of the family. From a very young age the child had duties. Play was not the center of the world. “Play time” was a very limited time (not even every day) of repose, relaxation, reading, games, and exercise. Some of the most successful families only had play time a few times a week, during or after religious exercises and duties. Usually, for working Agrarian families, the time right before dark was the time for play. The rest of the day was spent in work, chores, reading, and study. All work and no play did NOT make for a dull boy. It made for an intelligent, engaged, well-spoken, attentive, obedient, and loving boy. And play is not a time for children to behave like animals. We do not let our children scream and argue and shout, just because they are “playing”. That is nonsense. Children ought to know that there are limits and restrictions to their behavior, even when they are loosened from the responsibilities of work. The reason that worldly children fight, argue, and compete and bicker is because they are taught that these things are acceptable in “play”. Children need parameters and rules. They thrive under them. They must be consistently applied. Play is not a time to turn children over to their carnal instincts and proclivities. Play is a time for the child to use his/her imagination, in a peaceful and quiet way, to explore reality, and to engage themselves and others in productive fun. If a child would not be permitted to do or say something in “real life”, then they should not be permitted to do or say it during play.

 

Now, these patterns – of promoting play as both an attention magnet for the child, and a stress reliever for the parent – are implanted when the child is a very small baby. The parent grows to hate the protestations of the child, so they dangle things in front of the child, or give them a rattle, or crank up a wind up “mobile” in order to distract the child. They are taught by child psychologists that this actually grows the child’s brain. In fact, these things, when they are done repetitively and all day long, become a drug to the child. The child is not taught to sit quietly without some flashing light, moving object, or bright color, to distract them. They become drug addicts and idolaters. And it is all the fault of the parent.

 

Now, I have had parents say to me things like “I don’t want to just beat the child all day long”, as if that is necessary or right. It actually is quite infuriating, because they are insinuating that the reason my children are well-behaved and the reason that theirs are not is because I must beat my children all day long. This statement is a cop-out and is an excuse for not properly working to train the child. I do not beat my children all day long. I don’t have to, since they behave themselves. A child has to be broken in order to have his will submitted to that of the parent – just as the Christian must have his will broken in order for him to submit to the will of Christ. A child who does not instantly obey his parents without regard to consequences is a poorly trained child, and it is a sign of a parent that is not submitted to Christ. If the bad behavior is confronted, and is overwhelmingly dealt with – the child will be trained in short order. The people who have said these colossally stupid things to me would be shocked to know that I could train their child to behave properly in 1 week. Guaranteed. I probably wouldn’t even spank them any more than they are currently being spanked, probably even less. The problem is (and we have experienced this in the past) that I would turn this obedient child back over to his rebellious and idolatrous parents just to have him retrained in bad habits in just a few days.

 

We had a young couple come and visit us about 10 month ago with their 1 year old young boy. We trained the parents, and the parents did what we told them to do. They kept up the proper discipline when they left here, and when they moved back 8 months later, that was one of the happiest and most well behaved child I ever saw. They have constantly commented (as have others) that their boy is as happy as any they have ever seen. The boy lives here in the community now, and I can tell you that he (he just turned 2) is able to sit for LONG periods of time quietly. He doesn’t run around like a monkey screaming all the time. He doesn’t insist on play all day. He is polite (says yes ma’am and no sir, thank you, etc.) and is an ornament to his parents.

 

Your child needs to be taught to be quiet, still, obedient, patient, loving, careful, observant, etc. But they have to be TAUGHT these things, since we know that these things are antithetical to the character and condition of the carnal fallen man. If you are not properly training your children, then you do not love them. You hate them, and you are damning them yourselves. I have enough experience to tell the way a child is going after only a short time with them, because God utilized many experiences in my life, and my reading of scripture, to teach me a better way. In the end, our children will bear witness to our own obedience to our duty. How many parents will own and admit that they blew it, and that they sacrificed their children on the altar of fun, play, idolatry, and covetousness? Some will, but most others will blame someone or something else.

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Early riser

I awoke this morning to already feeling the heat I get up about 4:30 each morning and start walking by 5:35. I walked  to work and it was actually quite pleasant. The sun was peaking from behind the mountians. What a great view I have been blessed with. The cascade mountian range which circles most of the valley. The mountians still have snow on them and on a clear ay you can see quite a distance. The morning began with the center being so hot you could hardly breath. I opened the windows and turned on the fans. The place where I am working at the moment is a pre-school / daycare, where I work with grade ones over the summer. I do enjoy it , but find it frustrating on how the parents are raising their children and the neglect. Anyway were was I . After opening the windows the other employee where I worked arrived. She really didn’t want to be there. In all honesty I don’t either. I don’t believe in daycares or child centre type places where others watch, raise and choose how to teach your children. In today society women feel they have to work in order to pay the bills and basically live. Our industrialised world had succeeded in destroying the family home, creating greed, discontentment and wickedness. God has given us all we need and said he would provide for His own. But then again thats the problem. Most of the world is not His own. They hate him and His righteousness. Even the so-called christians who sit in pews and pay a tithe to a church system so that they can have nice parking lots and comfy seats and up to date sound systems. Oh to go to his word and see that this kind of life is not what He ordained. Read the parables, listen to His words. He spoke of gardens, land, soil and vegetation. Not machines, cement cities etc. The world has become depended on man NOT GOD. We need our benefits, our social security etc. It is all we need we need. Until those who are called by His name and are part of His elect see the truth, they are trapped in a world system that was created by the devil and run by Him. God will use it of course and His people will see the truth, just hopefully sooner not later. The world is in a crisis and most people are to busy consuming to see whats about to hit them right between the eyes. Separation is the first step in the process of being obediant to His word. Okay I started of wanting to talk about my day and looked what poured forth. it was a pleasant sort of day. I took off early today as it was a slow day. Which was kinda nice. I don’t do that often.  Myhusband and I are trying to save as much money as we can. We have given ourselves just a few months to save enough to being the process of buying land and starting our christian agrarian life. Lord willing. The center where I work has mostly women who call themselves christian. It can be quite difficult at times to work there. Sometimes I think it would be easier working for non christians. If you looked at the staff you would not see any difference in them then those in the world. Tatooes, low cut tops, manicured nails and dyed hair and of course peircings. The one who is most religious use a few choice profanities when the situation arises. We are called to separate, to be different. Not just in the heart as some are decieved into believing. But to look different, to talk and to be modest in dress. We are called to walk humbly with our God. We are to be a peculiar people. We are told to come out of the world. I can’t wait! Lord give me strength, wisdom and courage to keep your standard and be the Godly women you have called me to be.

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Another hot one! June 27,08

Well looks like its going to be a hot one again today. I awoke early this morning, I think around six am. I like getting up early when most of the world is still asleep.

I decided I would plant my herbs in a garden instead of leaving them in their pots. Hopefully they will grow even bigger given they will have more space to root. I love being able to just go out and cut the herbs I need. Nice and fresh! I am trying to learn about herbs and thier benefits. When we do finally make the move to Texas  or where ever the Lord finally leads us I want to know which herbs will benefit us, nutrition wise and health wise. There is so much to learn and it seems so little time to learn it in.

I know things are a process , but sometimes I get anxious. I am learning to lean more on God and trust him to keep us moving towards separation. It will not be a glamourous lifestyle thats for sure. But will be a hard working, God ordained life. He has promised to take care of His elect and will give us what we need. His promises are clear in His word.  It is almost 20 celius already! Well I better go and get back at things while it is still not to hot!

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The start of my Journey June 26, 2008

My life has changed alot in the last few years. My opinion and views on life, love and truth have as well. I used to believe like most religious people about scriptures and my walk was far from obediant to God. I believed in the God of my mind. It was based mostly on my emotions and not on the  true Gospel of Christ. Somehow I allowed my emotions to wash over the scriptures and blind me to what God was really saying in His word. I guess I always new that something wasn’t right in how I believed. When I heard and searched out the truth based on scripture and history, I realised that I had made alot of mistakes in my thinking. I think at some point I had became almost sick inside because I came face to face with truth and it made me realise that what I had thought about salvation, conversion and the free will was all wrong. Now when I read the word I see it. I believe that God has and continues to open my eyes to see what is written to His Elect. In this Journey I will share what I have learned and what steps my husband and I have ,and are taking to walk according to the word of God.

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